It's So Hard.

The moment when you look up and she's the first person you see. Knowing that she used to be your best friend. The girl that you did everything with. The one who you had a million inside jokes with. It was so hard seeing us just walk right past each other and not say a word. It crushed me, Knowing that there was nothing I could do. It was so weird for me when we would randomly make that awkward eye contact and I couldn't even get up and go talk to you because there was no longer a relationship between us. All that I could hear in my mind was the things that were said about me. Every single word and every single sentence kept repeating over and over again in my mind. It would not leave. When I heard all the stuff that you are going to have to do and the stuff that you won't be able to do, all because of this whole incident it broke me down. I felt like everything was my fault. I felt like maybe it wasn't right to do what I did. But then I realized that what I did was to help you. Even tho were not friends. It didn't mean that I didn't care for you. I know it was the right thing to do. All I wanted to do was to make sure you got help. 

Almost Given Up.

The moment were you feel like your in complete madness. All I can hear is screaming and yelling. I try to just block it all out and act like noting is going on. But all the sounds won't leave me alone. It feels like there taking over me. I try to let it go. But it just keeps coming back. All the words, The tears, The Yells, it never goes away. It's like a song that has been stuck in your head all day and you just can't stop humming it. I won't understand how they can handle all this arguing. I sure can't. They say there trying to save this family. Well if you really are then start doing something about it. I am done trying. I have almost given up. I don't know how to help or what I can even do anymore. You say you need all of us to help change this family. Well I don't know what I can do anymore. You have promised that this family would be fixed. Well look at it now? It seems like it has gotten worse. If this family doesn't change soon then it never will.  

I want to feel your love.

All I want from you is love. I just want to know that you love me. I want you to hug me and make me feel special. I want you to make me feel like I mean the world to you. I want you to know that I'm growing up and you don't have much more time to prove to me that you care. I want you to treat me like a princess. I want you to know I'm not happy. I'm breaking down inside. I have to know that it has been 13 years and I feel like your not there. All I want is for you to be there for me. I want a daddy. I want love. I want happiness. I want your hugs. I want you to care about me. I want you to be my hero. I want you too understand how hurt I am. Im giving up. I'm loosing hope. I feel like there's nothing you can do to change my mind. I feel like I'm going to have to live without your love. It breaks my heart. I want your love. So daddy please show it to me.

Gone But Never Forgotten.

Have you guys ever lost a family member? Or a close friend? I really haven't ever had to go through that..  Both my Moms parents passed away when I was about three so I don't really remember.. But I haven't really ever had to go through the pain of loosing somebody. Well at least until last Thursday. One of my good friends, Alex had leukemia cancer. She got better, but then it came back even worse.. Alexandria was an amazing girl. This girl could put a smile on any body's face. She had a smile that would light up the whole room. She brought joy to every body's life. I would do anything to be able to go back and see her just one more time... I will never forget the memories we shared. All of them just keep replaying in my mind, Almost like when your favorite scene of a movie replays in your mind. Its like you can just close your eyes and see that whole scene. That's how it is whenever I think about one of the great memories we had.. It just breaks my heart knowing that you were so young.. Just twelve years old. It really made me think how short life actually is. We never know who could leave us. It will all just happen in a blink of an eye. I don't think its fair that this had to happen. I don't understand and I probably never will. But I know that all your pain is gone and your in a much better place. Even though I may be lost, heartbroken, devastated, and really confused. But I know that everything is going to be okay. I'm just going be strong and get through this. Alex, one day we will meet again. Its not a goodbye its just a see yeah later.

You Have A Purpose.

Have you ever just wondered why am I here? Have you ever felt unloved, taken for granted or just straight up useless? I know I have. But even when I am having the worst days, Or just not doing well.. I always remember there has to be a purpose for me being here. Even when most of the time I don't think I'm talented or Pretty or really anything. But I always think to myself and know that one day ill find out what I'm good at. I may not know now, but someday I will. I just have to give it time. It is hard for me not knowing what my talent is when I have an amazing beautiful sister who can basically do anything in the whole world! I look up to her. She means the world to me, And I hope one day ill be able to be amazing like her. It may be later in life.. But hey! I've still got time. So for all you people out there that feel useless like me, just remember you were put here for a reason and you have a purpose just like me.
Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.